Gundam Pilot Movie Reviews
the Arnold Schwarzenegger Film Festival


Duo: We decided to start off our very first movie review with an Arnold Schwarzenegger film festival. :) What better way to kick things off than to watch, as Wu-chan puts it, "the manliest of manly men" in action?

Heero: We just wanted to watch something that wouldn't put us to sleep.

Quatre: I still think Ishtar would've been fun.

Heero and Duo: NO!

Quatre: Hmph.


CONAN THE BARBARIAN

Duo: Well, that was... different.

Heero: Too much talking, not enough violence.

Duo: You're the only person I know who could watch Conan the Barbarian and say it wasn't violent enough!

Quatre: No kidding! He punched that poor camel in the face!

Heero: It was asking for it.

Duo: They had the crucifixion scene and the big battle. That was violent enough for me. But there wasn't enough nudity.

Heero: I could've done without the nudity.

Quatre: But the music was lovely.

Duo: And I liked the idea of drawing on him while he was out cold. I'll have to try that some time.

Heero: Try it and die, Maxwell.


TOTAL RECALL

Duo: That was COOL!

Heero: He punched Sharon Stone. Gotta respect that.

Quatre: *gasp!* How can you say a thing like that?

Heero: What? He didn't kill her, and she left him alone after that.

Duo: Just don't try anything like that with Relena.

Heero: Hn.

Quatre: Back to the movie?

Heero: Liked it.

Duo: I thought it was confusing. I mean... did any of it happen, or was it part of the fake memory/vacation thingie?

Quatre: Yeah, I was confused, too.

Heero: That's what I liked about it. Definitely worth watching.

Duo: Yeah, let's watch it again in twooooo weeeeeeks!

All: *laughing*


COMMANDO

Heero: That rocked.

Duo: Ah-nold kicks ass!

Quatre: My favorite part was in the beginning, when he was playing with his daughter.

Duo: You wuss.

Quatre: There is nothing wussy about that!

Heero: Schwarzenegger is a real man. Real men aren't so worried about their macho image that they can't relate to their kids.

Duo: So it's Ok if I smush ice cream in your face?

Heero: You're not my kid. Try it and die.

Quatre: Back to the movie?

Duo: It trips me out that this was the predecessor for Die Hard. Schwarzenegger and Bruce Willis are nothing alike.

Heero: Nothing alike.

Quatre: Still. Good movie. I liked this one better than Conan.


TWINS

Heero: I don't get it.

Quatre: What?

Heero: How could they be twins? They don't look anything like each other.

Duo: That's the joke! See, that's what's funny about it!

Heero: I don't get it.

Quatre: Let's move on, then, shall we?


TERMINATOR

Duo: Schwarzenegger kicks ass again!

Heero: He failed.

Quatre: Oh, no! Terminator was one of his most successful movies, and T2 was one of the most-anticipated movie sequels ever!

Heero: I mean the Terminator. He failed. That woman was still alive at the end.

Duo: But if they killed her, there wouldn't be a story.

Heero: Mission failure is mission failure. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I didn't like this one.

Duo: *sigh* Ok. Let's try something different.


ERASER

Heero: Liked it.

Duo: Yeah, but... how did they come up with that? "You've just been erased?" I mean, what'll they do for the sequel - Liquid Paper?

Quatre: You've just been whited out.

Duo: Or Word Processor?

Heero: You've just been deleted.

All: *laughing*


TRUE LIES

Duo: You know, Schwarzenegger on truth serum reminded me of you, Hee-chan.

Heero: Don't call me that. And she asked him a question; all he did was answer.

Quatre: *girly voice* Are we gonna die?

Duo: *in his best Schwarzenegger voice* Yup. They're gonna shoot us in the head, or they're gonna torture us to death...

Heero: See? Perfectly good answer. She had no right to get upset.

Duo: Heero, he told her they were going to die.

Heero: So?

Duo: I give up.

Heero: *smirking* Ninmu kanryo.

Quatre: Anyway. The movie?

Heero: Liked it.

Duo: Yeah! Schwarzenegger kicks ass yet again!

Quatre: I agree. I think I liked this one the best so far.

Heero: Good movie.

Duo: Yeah, thumbs up for Boris and Doris. Ok. If we ignore Twins, I think Schwarzenegger is the manliest of manly men. We'll have to get Wufei to watch this next one with us.

*pause as the boys get Wufei and drag him to the screening room, insisting that he'll enjoy watching the manliest of manly men on film*


JUNIOR

Wufei: This was a cruel hoax.

Duo: Gah! I think the image of Schwarzenegger in a dress is burned into my retinas!

Heero: I take back everything I said about Schwarzenegger being the manliest of manly men. I'll never be able to watch another of his movies without visualizing... that.

Wufei: Hn. You people have wasted my time. Don't bother me again unless you find a real manly man. *stomps off, muttering about the Injustice of being dragged there for nothing*

Quatre: I liked it. ^_^

Duo: You are such a wuss!

Quatre: You're missing the point. Mr. Schwarzenegger could have gone on making shoot-em-up movies forever, but he took a risk with this one. This movie and Twins showed him in a different light - as a man who is so manly, he's not afraid to laugh at himself.

Heero: Hn.

Duo: I guess...

Heero: But I'll still probably have nightmares about that dress. Next time, I choose the movies.



Tune in next time, folks, as the Gundam Pilots continue their search for the manliest manly man on film!

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